Will we be okay? Maybe.
How my fear of public speaking turned into a hobby.
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In 2012, just a few years into my career, I attended the now defunct Roger Smith Food Writer’s Symposium. As I rubbed shoulders with Irena Chalmers and Molly O’Neill (who we all miss so much!), Marion Nestle, David Leite, Robert Sietsema, Kathleen Flinn, Rux Martin, and countless other luminaries, my goal was twofold: 1) Network, and 2) Support my mother, Lisa Ekus, as she took to the stage to talk about agenting and the state of cookbook publishing.
As a young, naïve, and very green agent, I knew how fortunate I was to be hyper-mentored by Lisa from day one. I had access to pitch meetings, negotiations, and the inner workings that most junior agents wait years to observe.
So, sitting in the audience listening to Lisa wax poetic about cookbooks, I could feel my confidence stir. I raised my hand to ask a clarifying question. This was my chance to grab the mic and start to make a name for myself. I wanted people to know I was also in that room; I was there to learn and to begin to step into becoming the best agent I could be.
But as the audience moderator handed me the mic, my inner courage took a left turn at the crossroads where anxiety and fear meet.
I looked down at my hand. It shook so hard the microphone swayed noticeably from side to side.
I literally could not control the movement of my own body.
Cool. Cool. Cool.
My heart pounded.
Sweat gathered beneath my “I am a professional person because I wear businessy clothes” blazer.
(Here is a reel from just a few years ago where I was not only wearing a blazer to guest lecture but it had SHOULDER pads…I WAS STILL CONVINCED BLAZERS = TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. Circa 2023)
I knew right then that if I wanted a career as a literary agent, I would need to GET MY SH*T TOGETHER.
How would I ever step into a position of leadership at the agency if I couldn’t even ask my own mother a question (that to this day matters so little I can’t even remember what it was!) from the audience?!
Friends and colleagues suggested two ways for me to help with nerves and hone my public speaking skills.
1. Join a Toastmaster’s group
2. Take an improv class
Improv sounded more fun. I figured I could just take Improv 101 and be done with it. Boom. Public speaking expert, here I come!
Well folx, let me tell you: The moment I set foot in that very first class, my life changed forever.
I found my hobby.
I never understood how people had hobbies before that. I mean sure, I know people who love things. Gardening. Knitting. Photography. Hell, even cooking! But I was never one of those people. I was never one of those people who had to devour all books, podcasts, and ancillary material about a subject.
People who spent their disposable income on something other than chips and clothes were just crazy. Weren’t they?
Welp, I was hooked.
I found my people.
I found community.
I devoured every class that Pam Victor, Head of Happiness at Happier Valley Comedy had to offer. What began as a curiosity rapidly evolved into a life-altering obsession.
Improv, and specifically the philosophy of following the joy and ease that are integral to the foundation Pam founded Happier Valley Comedy on, has helped me beyond measure.
Improv has completely changed my relationship to fear and failure.
Fear and failure remain a part of my life (because they ARE a part of life), but I have learned how to face them.
You might be wondering what the heck improv has to do with cookbook publishing… Well, cookbooks are collaborations. Whether you are a writer, photographer, stylist, book designer, editor, or anyone else who has their hands in the making of a book, I promise that if you go into your next meeting asking, “How can I contribute to the positive experience of making this book come to fruition?,” you will be rewarded.
Improv has taught me to listen to what is right in front of me. Be present.
Improv has taught me that events in life are not inherently good or bad. They just are.
In my very first improv class, Pam read the story from Buddhist Philosopher Alan Watts:
The Chinese Farmer Story
Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe.”
The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe.”
The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe.”
The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “Maybe.”
***Not So Secret Agent Side Note: My daughter Maybelline’s name was inspired by The Maybe Farmer.
Originally, I had intended for today’s post to be exclusively about how improv was both a personal and professional gift to me. One that has enabled me to not only become a confident public speaker, but also to fully step into my professional career.
As I reflect on the turn of events of the past week, I find myself thinking about the story of The Maybe Farmer again and again.
I am eternally grateful for the Maybe perspective.
After I bring myself back from spinning out, I find myself coming back to what is right in front of me.
What is my circle of influence? What do I have control over?
What is the scene I am in?
And…What does this scene need? Compassion? A listening ear? A helping hand? Some laughter and light?
These are the questions that have carried me through the past few days. They show up in my personal life and how I navigate my work with my authors.
What does this client need?
Compassion? A collaborator?
A listening ear? A recipe tester?
A helping hand? An ingredient reimbursement?
Some laughter and light?
I just keep asking myself…
Will we be okay? Maybe.
If you happen to be local, please consider this your personal invite to our upcoming Not in Charge show this Saturday November 16th at 7pm. If you are not local but are interested in learning more about the ways improv can add to your personal and professional life, comment below so we can keep the discussion going.
Don’t forget that on Thursday November 21st from 1-2pm ET I am hosting a virtual Not So Secret Agent AMA (ask me anything!). Subscribers will be getting Zoom information emailed to you along with a special CTA (call to action).
This is open to all readers, so hit subscribe below!
~Sally~
What a lucky day it was when that fantabulous, get-sh*t-done woman walked into the classroom. And how fun it was to watch your 🙄expression with every reminder that there’s no destination and nothing to get done since the job of an improviser is to be. What a gift it is to be your friend and scene partner when you help me re-remember these lessons. 🩵💚💛🩵💚💛🩵💚🩵
I really enjoyed reading this! Public speaking can feel so intimidating, but I love how you’ve embraced it as a hobby. It reminds me of something I’m reading in “Yes, And,” about how improv can help us stay present and rethink challenges. Also, I love Chinese Farmer story… such a great reminder to stay open to how things unfold. Thanks for sharing this!